HOW TO BE NIGERIAN NO 11!

Be friendly

No kidding, Nigerians are the friendliest people on earth. Always smiling and willing to help. Trust me on this. If you go anywhere in Nigeria, you cannot get lost. One of the things Nigerians do best id give directions. Just stop where a group of Nigerians are seated or standing and ask for directions, for every two persons standing there, you get a different route to the same destination. Nigerians would even tell you how to conduct yourself at your destination.

We get to Lagos for the first time, our bus stop at Berger Park. We see a group of people talking, we approach them. We greet them, they respond enthusiastically, we tell them we are headed to Oshodi but we do not know how to get there. Oh, oshodi! Easy. From here, board a bus to Agege, from Agege, board another bus headed to Oshodi. That’s one way someone else says, you could board ikeja from here, not under bridge ikeja, Ikeja-Along, cross the road, but don’t cross it o. those KAI people would probably be lurking somewhere, so make sure to take the pedestrian bridge. Once you get off the bus, you’d get bus headed to oshodi just at the foot of the bridge. That’s surely one way another person says, but why not board Ojota then oshodi from there? However, go to the end of the park there’s a straight bus to oshodi another one says. From Oshodi where are we headed, they ask. We say we are getting picked up. They okay, but better be careful. Don’t just stand anywhere, stand under the bridge. Make sure to use the bridge, don’t cross. Hold firmly to your bag. Okay then, one of them personally takes us to the driver of the straight bus to Oshodi driver, they’re going to oshodi, make sure they are fine. We depart.

To Be Nigerian No 10

No. 10: Bad language!

To be Nigerian, you have to stop bad language. Absolutely not the S, F, N and other capital lettered words, I mean your native language. You see, it is absolutely wrong for a three year-old to go around saying things like “Dalu, Ejor, Sanu and so on.” Absolute rubbish. What happened to speaking proper English? That child has to speak proper English which is why he started school since he was just one year old, a very expensive school at that.

HOW TO BE NIGERIAN NO. 9

-Be of different tribes
Nigeria is said to have about 100 languages, that's a lot right? I wouldn't want to go into the history of Nigeria, I'd just say that the northern and southern protectorates that got amalgamated in 1914 birthed the nation Nigeria. Several years and civil wars down the line, the major ethnic groups are the Igbo, Hausa and the Yoruba. Enough with the history. But then, can we really separate the past from d present? How would we try to predict the future then?
It's not enough that we have to face racism, xenophobia or whatever else, we have decided to go against one another within our nation. Don't pity us, oh please don't. It's something we have to do. Aunty Flora and uncle Lugard must be turning in their graves now, watching their 'wards' turn against one another. They have to suffer for what they have done to us, it really doesn't matter that they are dead.
Being Igbo, the nation would not survive without us. We are the entrepreneurs, Yet we do not get preferential treatment. If not for daddy Johnathan, we wouldn't have even gotten the seat of power. All these Afonja people and  their lousiness. They only know how to shout and sit on the legs of their fat wives.