How TO Be Nigerian No. 8

No. 8-

Have Bad Reputation Internationally.

Hey guys, how has the journey to being Nigerian been? I hope you have been enjoying the ride just as I have been. On this number, let’s go international. To be Nigerian, please please, endeavor to have a bad reputation internationally. It does not matter how much good Nigerians have done. It does not matter that in OPEC, UN, ECOWAS and other international organisations Nigerians are representing beautifully. Nor does it even matter that in several prestigious Universities in the UK, US, Russia, Ukraine, Germany, many other nations, not to talk of at home Nigerians are making the highest distinctions. In fact, it never matters that in several places all over the world, Nigerians are trail blazers in several fields ranging from sport to business, music to education, comedy to acting, science and technology and so on. I assure you that these very important achievements do not count. What matters, I must tell you is the nation is one of the most corrupt in Africa, what matters are the foreign bank accounts our swindler leaders have in most of these foreign nations. What matters most is that Nigerians are drug peddlers, swindlers; popularly called yahoo-yahoo or G-boys. What matters is that despite the obvious Nigerians that are doing great legitimate things, another percentage are doing illegitimate things and that’s what counts.

We are going through the internet and we see horrible videos of black men, flogging, and stoning, burning, indefinitely horribly killing fellow black men. Why, we ask. The news lets us know that it is xenophobia. Phobia? That’s a strong word. It is the treatment being mete out to Nigerians by fellow Africans of the South. Why? We ask again. Well, you see, Nigerians are taking over their land, Nigerians are building big businesses, and Nigerians are marrying their women. Wait What?! What exactly are their atrocities? -As afore mentioned!! Let’s add that Nigerian are the drug peddlers who sell drugs to their children, also Nigerians are the ones forcing their children to buy the drugs, Nigerians also raped their girls, they had no rapists nor any history of violence. Nigerians brought all misfortune upon them. Now, now, let’s not be bias, Nigerians why don’t you just stay home and build your own nation instead? Well, I was born here, this for me is home. If not for my Nigerian name, you would never know. Why then do you sell drugs? You see, after nepotism, demand created this supply.

To be sincere it’s not just here, several Nigerians have been killed in those nations where drug peddling attracts a death penalty. In the nation of the white people, several have been swindled by ‘sharp guys’. It’s easy, use the strongest four lettered word, promise to marry them and they swoon. They start sending you money. No, no, we are not justifying what they did, we are only telling you how it happens. Tell them that you are a doctor and you are building a hospital and you would like them to invest. Kaboom! Maga don pay. When ‘maga’ stopped paying, ++ entered into the yahoo-yahoo.

Let us tell about our experience in the nation across the border. The French speaking one, yes, we know they are all French speaking, we mean the one in the west. One day we were in the room, in a house within that nation, then we heard a scuffle. We rushed out to see. You see, in that nation, you pay light and water bill. What is just amazing is that the bill you get to pay as a student is baffling. You have just a laptop, a fan, a bulb and your phone charger and your light bill is 10,000 which was equivalent to #3,500 before the recession. Back to the scuffle. A male student had been given a bill of 75,000 in that currency as his electricity bill for two months. He had gone to challenge the landlord’s son. They had gotten into an argument, let’s not forget language is a big barrier in this (and every other) situation. As the scuffle ensued, a fellow Nigerian student intervened. He kept pulling the other Nigerian away, trying to calm him down. To make you understand the events that followed, allow us describe the ‘scufflers’.  Landlord’s son- skinny young man in his early thirties. First Nigerian student- skinny young man in his twenties. Intervenor- Fat young Nigerian man in his early twenties. Back to our story.  The intervenor thought he had succeeded when the other Nigerian walked away, he turned to the landlord’s son and tried to pacify him in broken French. Then the first Nigerian ran towards them with a big stone in his hand. He threw the stone at the landlord’s son and it hit him heavily on the chin. A shout rose amongst the people of the country within the compound. The Nigerians took to their heels. The skinny Nigerian had stealth, the intervenor didn’t. He fell just a feet away and they swarmed. Mothers, children, grandmother, young and old alike started stoning the intervenor. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t his fault, he was still a Nigerian after all. They beat him to their fill and when he was almost lifeless, they opened their dog cage and locked him in. Being Nigerians, we helplessly watched from a safe distance. Other Nigerians were summoned by us but there was nothing they could do. One Nigerian took a bike and went to the Gendarmerie, an officer came and was given access to the boy. He carried him away after scolding the people that had done the act. This happened also within Africa. Ask Uncle Falzthebad guy how he was treated at an airport in an African nation, because he is Nigerian. The same African nation that comes to Nigeria every january to take away 50,000 USD and the money has never been 'hijacked' from them. You see, borders, airports, just about anywhere where your Nigerian passport has to be shown spells danger.

There are several instances we could give you within and out of Africa but let google guide you on this. Remember, don’t search for the amazing achievements that Nigerians are doing all over the world. Search for Nigerians with keyword such as drug peddlers, swindlers and so on. You may even come across the banner we saw in a nation somewhere in Asia that had “Say No to Drugs, Say No to Nigerians” written on it. If you are in a room in an international place and something negative like theft happens, be prepared, you have a green card. You are the prime suspect. Till next week, stay Nigerian.