The meeting went on too long...

My department’s meeting was to hold and I spent the whole night before the Thursday preparing for my presentation. Actually not the whole night, I saw a movie in between. I had done my presentation, Joy had done hers, we had been reviewed and corrected, our personal grand
baas (the Iron lady) had spoken to us, and then she had gone on to scold the staff. While she was scolding the staff, a grander baas walked into the meeting and asked Iron why her voice was raised. She reported her subordinates to him. He had sat down to advise the staff and that was the genesis of the torture. He started speaking to interns first, that is Joy, Kola and myself. Advising us to focus on what we came here for, went on to ask for our age, went on to ask the schools we went to, went on to ask how we have contributed to the company (apart from buying food which is our major Aoc). By the time he would finish with us and move on the first staff, I had almost finished the #50 groundnut I had in my bag. And don’t ask me how I managed to eat it (those huge boardroom tables are blessings). I don’t know what made me fall asleep first, the long talk or the air condition. It’s just that by the time I would re-hit consciousness, I heard the room laughing. So I had decided to laugh even before opening my eyes so I would look like I was just err meditating maybe? I really don’t know why I laughed.

I opened my eyes only to see that all eyes were on me, and my nylon of groundnut was on the table in front of the grander baas.  My brain calculated fast and I knew what I wanted at that moment was for the ground to open up and swallow me up. The grander baas however took it in good stride as he asked me if I had been breastfeeding through the night and if I loved groundnut that much, emphasising on the fact that he had been smelling groundnut and had been wondering where the smell was coming from. which I of course simply replied with a sheepish grin. Iron did not find it very funny though. She scolded me for being lazy and told me about how this was all about preparing for the future. What if I became a manager of a multinational company and had to be in five hour meetings, five times in a day? What if I became a senator and had to be in a meeting for a whole day? What if i…? Unfortunately, my bowels started speaking in tongues at that point. And with the kind of bowels I possess, I really can’t hold it for too long. Not wanting to interrupt Iron, I started singing to myself in my head pacifying my crying child. I did not even realise I was already doing the dance-on-a-spot thing until I heard Iron ask,

 “And why are you shaking while I’m talking?”

This for me was the moment of truth. I either told her the truth or suffer doing the bended walk to the bathroom reserved for interns and visitors which was all the way down the stairs.

“I am sorry ma, I want to pee.” Of course my eyes were down and my hands laced behind.

“So that’s what you could not say since abi? Just go.”

“Thank you ma.”

Last thing I heard walking out of the boardroom was Iron’s voice saying “This Miss Yarn girl has a problem.”

As I finally relieved myself and my brain could function properly again, I hoped she would not have talked about surcharging me. Which makes me wonder; if I get surcharged, what is going to be left of my #2500? I mumbled prayers to the almighty to keep my #2500 safe and sound as I went back to join the meeting that refused to end.