HOW TO BE NIGERIAN. NO 1

Nigeria is an amazing country, very popular around the world and I can tell you that lots of people around the world envy Nigeria. what with our constantly shaky economy, corruption, powerless currency and most importantly, our happiness. yes, always suffering and smiling(Not my words, just that of one of the greatest Nigerians). So if you are a foreigner, a confused national or even a national that has been in diaspora(especially now that we are not sure of the fate of our people in the country of the president with the golden hair) I'll be giving guidelines on how to be Nigerian. it's going to be a Monday series so don't worry, I've got you.
 HOW TO BE NIGERIAN.
NO. 1. *Blame the government. Always.

When He Died

Part 3

What was wrong with having sex with my own husband in our own house? I was just tired of this people. And I was warned not to marry a Muslim but I was in love with Haleem. I should have married Adewale instead. He was a Christian and loved me a lot. I was still lost in my thoughts when I felt a strong whack on my face. I looked up dazed. What was going on here? Is this some form of traditional right?  I burst into tears. Where was Haleem right now? Shouldn’t he be protecting me?  I saw my mother in law push the person that slapped my away and she sat by me on the floor.

When He Died

Part 1

I looked somberly at their faces, they were all crying and screaming. I shut myself away from all of it. I got up and walked quietly to the room where he lay, looking as handsome as always. I sat on the edge of the bed and touched his cheek, it was cold. Too cold for my liking, he did always like cold.

Choices

Part 4

Francis walked slowly past Bosede’s gate hoping to catch a glimpse of her. The little space between the gate and the fence showed the compound empty. Three times he walked the length of the street hoping Bosede would come out, she didn’t. He summoned courage and knocked on the gate. Yetunde, Bosede’s sister came out to meet him.

“Yes, what is it?” Yetunde recognised him.

Choices

Part 3

Francis walked slowly past Bosede’s gate hoping to catch a glimpse of her. The little space between the gate and the fence showed the compound empty. Three times he walked the length of the street hoping Bosede would come out, she didn’t. He summoned courage and knocked on the gate.

Choices

Part 2

“Francis, I missed my period some time ago.” Bosede said gently.

Francis sat up.

“That was before I came to see you, the last time. I did some tests and I was confirmed pregnant.” 

Francis eyes’ widened.

Choices

Part 1

Francis was bored as he stared at his smart phone screen. He didn’t want to watch anything on TV nor did he find anything that interested him on the social media. He sighed. After having all the money he did, he did not expect to be bored. He went through his phone contacts till he found Bosede. He dialed. It took less than two minutes to convince her to come over; she never ceased to amuse him. 

Unbreakable

Part 3

picture credit- PicsArt

Over the next month, they visited about eight doctors, desperately seeking a positive review. Bilal went to all the doctors he knew and trusted and Yemisi did same. They were both exhausted. The best they got was from an Abuja based gynecologist who told them that they had to wait till the pregnancy was four months old, then they could perform a test that would tell them the probable genotype of the foetus. There was no simple solution. All that there was were maybes. They also went to visit a doctor that Bilal’s best friend had suggested and when they got home, it seemed entirely hopeless. Bilal went straight into the room. Yemisi went to the balcony to call her mother. She explained why she had been going in and out of Lagos for the past month. She told her mother about the pregnancy and about the genotype problem. She poured out her heart to her mother. She was met with complete silence from the other end of the phone.

Unbreakable

Part 2

picture credit- PicsArt

Yemisi bounced her head to the latest Olamide song playing on the car stereo. Then she started singing to Bilal who pretended to concentrate on his driving.

“Who you epp? Who you epp? You don baff? Who you serve?”

Bilal turned off the stereo.

“Ahan, why so grumpy?”

“You Yorubas are too noisy. I actually like that Olamide guy, I just don’t understand what he is saying.

“Which is exactly why I am singing it.” She turned it on again. “Coming thru, issue, Pound Sterling lawa fin shey tissue.”

Bilal turned it off. She turned it on. He turned it off, she turned it on again.

“Yemisi, you want to kill three of us abi? That song will cause an accident o.”

Unbreakable

Part 1

picture credit: PicsArt

Bilal checked his wrist watch for what seemed like the thousandth time. He was in a hurry to get home to get some work done, but he was also excited about his visitor. He couldn’t believe his visitor was really coming. It had been a long time he last saw her. As he checked his watch again, he sighed. She had refused to tell him the exact time her plane would be landing and he had estimated that since it was a Friday, she would have left work early, gotten through Lagos traffic and caught her flight, all that meant she should have booked a 5:00pm flight. It was 6:45pm and he had not seen her come out of arrivals. He had been here for two hours now. His phone rang.

She Called Bobby 2

Victor started to withdraw from her and that was when the fights had started. They were fighting so much that a friend had noticed and referred them to his cousin, Catherine. Sola bought the idea and booked the appointment.

*****                                                      *****                                                                                             ****

Victor opened his eyes. He looked at Sola who was still screaming and had started crying.

“Sola shut up.”

She did.

“You called Bobby,Sola”

“So?!” Sola asks exasperated.

“What do you mean by so? You call that name all the time. When we are making love, when we are chatting, all the time Sola. Why do you keep calling Bobby?”

Sola closed her eyes.

****           

She called Bobby

When the couple came into the counselor’s office, she could immediately sense the tension strong and thick. She sighed on the inside. She had been practicing for just three months and she had come to realize that most problems people brought were those that they could easily solve themselves but then, if they solved it themselves, how would she make money?

“Good morning, Mr. and Mrs Edwards. My name is Catherine Ugochinyere. Please sit and feel free to call me Cathy.”

The couple sat and it was obvious that whatever the problem was, the woman was guilty, it was written all over her face and body.

“What exactly is the problem Mrs Edwards?”

“She is not Mrs. Edwards. She is not worthy of the title.” The man bellowed.