HOW TO BE NIGERIAN. NO 1

Nigeria is an amazing country, very popular around the world and I can tell you that lots of people around the world envy Nigeria. what with our constantly shaky economy, corruption, powerless currency and most importantly, our happiness. yes, always suffering and smiling(Not my words, just that of one of the greatest Nigerians). So if you are a foreigner, a confused national or even a national that has been in diaspora(especially now that we are not sure of the fate of our people in the country of the president with the golden hair) I'll be giving guidelines on how to be Nigerian. it's going to be a Monday series so don't worry, I've got you.
 HOW TO BE NIGERIAN.
NO. 1. *Blame the government. Always.

To be Nigerian, you have to learn to blame the government. If stay in your house and the heat is too much, blame the government, after all, it’s their fault there is no supply of electricity so that you can use your fan and/or air conditioner. It is even their fault that the country is so hot, during the previous administration, the weather was better. When you decide to get out of the house and go visit a friend and you get to the bus stop, wait for 30 minutes and there is no bus, blame the government, they caused the heavy traffic. When you finally get a bus and it charges N100 higher than the normal fare, form where to where now? Mtchew. Blame the government, they took away fuel subsidy. Start trekking to your friend’s place, one day, we go reach there. Buy biscuit and pure water on the way, don’t bother arguing with the hawker, N5 buys nothing anymore. Even the biscuit that now has 4 pieces used to have 6. You keep walking and see a pile of garbage right on the side of the road, stinking the whole place up. You shake your head and blame the stupid government. Ahan, how can a country look like this. Na wa o. You keep walking and you see two more of such, you even see a gutter clogged with dirt. You are almost at your friend’s, you finish your road companions and throw the sachets on the ground. You get to your friend’s place and you knock. Your friend’s younger sibling comes to open the door, tells you your friend isn’t in, you ask to wait, the sibling says no because the sibling would be going out soon too. You bemoan your fate loudly, telling the sibling you walked all the way. The sibling rolls eyes inwardly, doesn’t really care. You start you journey back, blaming the government. If you had had airtime on your phone, you would have called ahead. You stop, you decide to go back to friend’s house to ask for water; one for the road. You get close to the door then you hear laughter inside, that’s friend’s voice. You pause, then you hear friend telling all siblings that they are wicked, they should have let you in, siblings laughingly tells friend that they know you are a glutton, so you would not let them eat their food to their satisfaction. Your heart drops, you walk away remembering when you had a job and used to give your friend and siblings money all the time. You are heart broken and blame the government. If only the economy had been good and you still had a job. You would not go through this insult. You pass a corner that has a strong stench of urine, you are irritated. This government is disgusting, how can a country smell so much. You keep walking to your house. This government is evil.

SO there you have the first rule. if the governments does do something good like fix a road or build a long awaited pedestrian bridge, simply say "ahan (insert name of governor or president accordingly here) tried o. but anyway, we know the road kuku won't last. 3 years would show you that you are a prophet in these matters.