How To Be Nigerian No. 2

No. 2 *Religion supersedes all. Common sense included.

You have to belong somewhere, you are either Christian or Muslim. You could support that religion with something traditional by the way. Just don’t let anyone know. If you are sick, call your pastor or Imam. That’s the only solution. Doctors?! Puhlease. Those ones always have something to say, they just want to milk you dry. Instead of paying hospital bills, sow a seed and you’ll see. You seriously don’t have to know God by yourself, need I remind you that you are not good enough? But not to worry, daddy in the Lord is there for you. You are in serious pains, well, let’s just go to the hospital for going sake. It has been 3 months since the pain started anyways and u have exhausted the bottle of holy oil. We get to the hospital and there’s a queue.
See why I hate coming to this places? A little boy is rushed in on a motorcycle by his father, a woman with a baby strapped to her back is holding him, and he seems almost lifeless. A nurse rushes out to take him from the woman, another runs to an office shouting doctor! Doctor! The doctor runs to the bed the boy is laid but can’t see anything. There is no power and the generator is spoilt. One nurse rushes to get her phone and puts on the torch light. The other nurse can’t put her phone on, her battery is low. A patient grabs a lamp and joins them. It’s 7am.

They struggle to save the little boy’s life. From the wailing woman with the baby strapped to her back we find out that the boy has been down with malaria for two weeks and they have been praying for him at home. Healthcare is expensive and their pastor already laid hands on him. It’s 9am. They are still struggling to save the boy. We forget your own pain and focus on the boy. He is just 10 years old. The doctor is exhausted, they nurses are too, but they can’t give up. They leave to boy who is now responding to treatments to rest. The woman gives the baby to the man and asks him to get them supplies from the house and get their pastor.  The man was just stepping out when the woman raised Alarm. The boy was gasping. The nurse calls the doctor and the other nurse runs to get the oxygen tank. The nurse that rushes to get the tank thinks on the futility of life. She is on her way back when she meets another nurse who inquires on what was happening and they stopped to discuss the foolishness of the parents of the boy who did not take proper care of him but wait till it was late to dump the hard work on the hospital. They discussed how the woman that brought him is his stepmother and how she would be accused of causing the child’s sickness even though the boy’s mother never contributed anything to the boy’s well being. They discussed… we heard someone shout. The boy died. The nurse with the oxygen tank started running to deliver the oxygen. The boy died. Its 10:30am. We are all shaken by this death.

They reject us at that hospital, we go to another hospital. We get out clinic cards and wait. A woman walks hurriedly past us, we take no notice of her. Two minutes later we hear a noise. We run to see what was going on. It was the woman that walked past us, she was biting a man. She is separated from the man. She says he killed her sister. How? Her sister had put to bed the previous day and had lost so much blood that she needed a transfusion. But since their daddy in the Lord had said that only vampires take blood, the man had not allowed the transfusion for her sister who was his wife. Even the doctors had pleaded but he had to approve it which he did not. The sister died due to blood loss. The man looked on in pain and confusion, he had not wanted his wife to die. He loved her, but Daddy had said it was a sin to take blood. You never really know the curse the previous owner had been under. What if the person had been mad or had been a kleptomaniac? Why was his own situation different? Brother Ephraim had testified on such matter, even sister Ngozi. We quickly walk away, we don’t want their death to rub off on us. We go back to waiting for our turn. We feel bad for them though, if only they attended our church. Our own daddy carries anointing and fire.

 You need a job? Go religious. You need a spouse? Go Religious. You don't know the course you would like to study? Don't sweat it, solution is in religion. You don't have to worry, go to a prophet for just anything. Ypu don't need a brain even, just pur religion first. it may take years, but not to worry, religion will solve it eventually, and if you die waiting, it is the Lord's will. And now that new year prophecies are coming in, go get yours! Happy New Year 2017. yaaay.